she was so not down for the gang bang
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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