I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize