he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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