Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
