i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
