Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You ruined the universe
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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