White coat. Heels.
I hate your face
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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