"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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