I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
