He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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