i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
