Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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