oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
