yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
