so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
