When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
