there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
