Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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