In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
