I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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