the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
