he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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