I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
