i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
