I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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