You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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