Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
