"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
