From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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