My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
