Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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