the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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