just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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