i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I die, sorry about rent.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
