there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
