hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i already hear my dad disowning me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
