ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
