Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
