i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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