I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just high enough for therapy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
