she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
high people should be assigned attendants
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
