Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
