i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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