Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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