I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
