I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
