I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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