i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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