He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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