I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
