when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
