just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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