I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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