so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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