STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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