I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
