nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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