do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
