he shaved USA in his pubs
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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