but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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