Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
