WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
