I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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