It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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