apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
