I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
