Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
