if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
