Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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