i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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