I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
