Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
