don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
BRING THE BAGELS
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
