All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
