She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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